watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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