I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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