There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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