Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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