my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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