Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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