he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
