im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
