Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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