I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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