so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
organizing the empties. That sober.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
