It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
