Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
