WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
