Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
