Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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