Betty ford says i'm here all night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
