at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
