Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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