i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
