is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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