How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
