...so i touched it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
