he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
