so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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