If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
