sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
