How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize