i was born a porn star she said
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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