The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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