She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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