cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
