She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
