I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
