just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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