just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
