I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
