the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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