He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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