The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i came on her dog
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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