Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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