You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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