my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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