So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
