I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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