I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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