3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
