she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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