Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
