He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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