So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm having to shit out rocks
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