Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
