And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
