don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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