Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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