i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
