Your dad touched me again.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
