Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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