The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
