You can't special order awesome
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
