After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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