I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
