The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
