I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
