hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
