Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
