Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
