I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
