Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
