help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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