Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just invented taco cereal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
