If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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