before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
