if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
