I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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